Suburban BDSM

Optimistic and wasted
March 23, 2014, 1:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Am deadly tired, and sore. Yesterday wasn’t anything like I thought it would be. The play party was very different from what I’d expected. The single atmosphere void room was cold as hell, and I ended up a complete icicle again.
There where too many people for the square footage, and most of them where not very into any head space I could relate too, and many where in the American uniform of baggy T and old jeans. I had an Amazing time. Amazing. Because of new Dom.. Some pictures and feelings I simply can’t get out of my head, they are such an overload of awesomeness, it’s almost too much to be real. I may not have networked as much as I could have. Was way to nervous before, and way to spaced out under. Right now I totally don’t care, though.
Having a pure D/s relationship rocks. I can totally surrender to his awesomeness, without ever having to deal with the reality of his human frailty and off days. Yes, I’d like to have tried dealing with that, but as it is, it has it’s own purity. I totally forgot how he might react to seeing other people he cared about, and well.. Anything but his intentions towards me (yes, subspace is super narcissistic sometimes) and his wants.. In a lot more direct sense.
I get annoyed with myself at times. Seem to need to fill every pause with just fluff ranting, instead of just going with it, when I’m nervous. And I was surprisingly so yesterday. I also found it hard being myself when talking to other kinksters, and obviously controlled by him. It’s never been a problem before, but I was overly conscious of the fact that we where the only real D/sy people.. There. Annoyed that I couldn’t just let that be, and not care. After all, if they do judge, who cares?? But well. Live, learn. Fail better.
Am now going to enjoy my little human (and very annoying) fussy teddy bear, and her big brother. Later today a date with my husband, which will be a very slow and apathetic affair, if he doesn’t let me sleep 🙂
Then there’s gardening, speech therapy, play dates, job search, house fix up and life. But I can stop and remember the look in his eyes as he ignored my pleas for mercy, and beat me until I screamed. The feeling of his hands on my chin, just in control but caring and soooo connected. The slap that send me roaring into a deeper part of myself, still those dark almost gentle eyes demanding I try to improve myself. And so many many others. My life is pretty damn awesome and glamorous. Am so fucking lucky on so many levels. Screw sleep and a clean house


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