Suburban BDSM

Mental breaks and shoulders that won’t leave my ears
April 3, 2014, 1:11 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I saw my dom/ new dom maybe master yesterday night. On a week night. Again it was just.. Such a.. Transcendental and at the same time so incredibly just… Down to earth and almost relaxed experience. One I enjoyed very much, but now there’s again issues. With husband. And am feeling worn out and tired.. In general and about it. It’s hard to not just feel guilty and wrong and horrible.
Am so tired of it. It’s tainting everything, but I can’t seem to come up with any coping strategies. Maybe tomorrow will look better

Anyway. It was nice. It seems the further he takes me, the more I just want him to.. Do everything. All the things I’m most scared of. I want him to just.. Break me and use me, and … Be so mean and evil to me. Make me take so much more. At the same time I’m finally totally able to let go and not worry in the least about what he is going to do. And just accept his leadership or.. It’s hard to describe. Enjoy the tranquility of no choice.
Old demons did raise their heads, thoughts like.. He’s not really enjoying this, he’s doing it for me etc. gotta learn to let go of that
I still can’t orgasm… It’s so weird. It seems I’m almost there when I just kneel in front of him. It’s totally intense, but it never actually goes there.


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