Suburban BDSM


The streak
August 10, 2012, 1:52 am
Filed under: Crazy slut ideas

Since Sunday, we’ve had really decent sex every day. A lot of it tinged with bdsm, some of it directly bdsm-y. Tuesday Hubbie tied me up, and really paddled my inner thighs for forgetting to turn of the lights (he hates that), and it was wonderful (well, painful, but nice to be really domed again). Somehow it ended up feeling more empty and lonely than before, though. Not that I regret him doing it in the least.

It’s hard to explain why. Partly it was the fact that I still just don’t feel it in him, the more intense urge to dominate. He likes it as a spice, and I like to just be submerged in it. The surrender can never really be that, since in a sense, it’s not real. I also still sense his insecurity, and that is really hard to get past. That said, it has been more intense, and a lot of fun.

The good thing about not being a real sub, is that you can just ask for thing, as in any equal relationship. Asked him to spank me yesterday, and it was a thrill. It lacks the edge, but it’s definitely better than no bdsm at all
The search for a substitute, or maybe more accurately, an add-on Dom goes on. Am hopeful, but also a little mistrustful at the moment. Our fetlife access changes all the time, but mostly I can’t log on anyway
I’ve fuelled my unrealistic expectations in a Master by reading BDSM-novels. It might be my new favourite genre. It’s dangerous to read to much about these super empathic, completely dominant men, who just know how to read a control any woman (right). But fun. And who am I to refuse a cheap thrill

My favourite one so far, is Hostile Takeover by Joye W Hill. It’s dark, lot’s of heavy beatings, surrender and sweet domination. It’s rather romance like in structure. It’s a little silly how perfect the characters always are. The men are of course handsome as hell, super clever, rich, powerful and well endowed beyond reason. The women are more human, but they never really do things for any of the wrong reasons… It’s a little juvenile, but I’ll take it.

Right now, I’m surfing for a rabbit, those things that vibrate, have moving beads, twist, reads aloud poetry, and take out the trash. Hubbie thinks we have enough toys, but I don’t feel like a real explorer before I’ve at least tried them. I like the idea of him being able to use it on me too.. hope he will too.



Twisted mistress
August 6, 2012, 1:47 pm
Filed under: Crazy slut ideas | Tags: , , ,

Just gotta get this of my chest, since I don’t have any perv friends to mull things over with. Man, I miss that.

Oh well, we did the switch yesterday.. I had donned a corset, leather garters, stockings and really really high heeled boots, so I could tower over him With no bra and panties, this is the most deprived I’ve ever dressed, but then it matched my insides pretty well. I’ve finally started loosing some of the baby weight after the IUD was removed, and it’s the first time in a looong long while, that I really felt hot and not just fat.

I decided right away, that I wouldn’t in any way be or do something that I didn’t also feel. And I didn’t want hubbie to feel any pain.. since it’s not his thing, and I know he would just tough it out to prove a stupid macho point anyway. I told him before I let him in, that he was only coming in, if he really meant it, no bullshit. He nodded, and did everything I asked of him. From standing stock still, while I mauled him over, and just enjoyed the power of having control. Pulling him around like I liked, tasting his passive body. I tied him up with cuffs, spreader bar and rope. Considering how little I’ve fantasised about this thing, my head is still buzzing from how much I enjoyed it. I put a pillowcase over his head, and just played with him for as long and in any way I wanted. I felt like spanking him, but I only did a little, and I had him keep me updated on his reactions. Otherwise it was just implements, hands and mouth for a loong time. fantastic

He remained docile, but there was a look in his eyes.. Like a Master in bondage, and it just made me even more crazy for him.

In the end, I had my wicked way with him, and it was good.. But I couldn’t come like his mistress, I just couldn’t. So after a really long time, and a whole lot of sweating and panting, I asked him to let me be his again. From the second he slammed me tummy down onto the bed, and fucked me, I was just gone to the world. Wow, he took me for another straight hour and a half, and it was so intense. He came twice, but for me it was so much more than an orgasm. I’m really happy we did it in our sad little wannabe dungeon in the basement, otherwise I think the neighbours would have called the police.

Am walking on clouds today, really just profoundly joyful. Nothing says love like hours of twisted sex



Event explossion
August 5, 2012, 9:42 pm
Filed under: Crazy slut ideas | Tags: , ,

Weird, weird weekend. Hubbie came home after a week long stay in California, and we had some really nice bdsm – spiced sex. A little bondage, a bit of light spanking. But what he wants and the only thing he has wanted for a long while, is to come and then go cuddle while we watch TV. The second night when this was the case, I just got so sad and mad and frustrated. Like there’s this treat being held in front of my nose.. it’s dangled there, I get to lick it a little at times, but I never get a real taste.  And I’m starving so much it makes me dizzy.

I know that BDSM has always been different for him, but I somehow hoped that we could at least go back to how good it was the first years. He doesn’t really long for that though, and forcing yourself to be a Master is absurd. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. He suggested that I find it outside of our relationship, and I have to admit, it felt like he’d just smashed his fist into my stomach. It really did feel like he was giving up on our relationship, and that he was willing to just let someone else have the things that I have wanted to give to him for so long.

But as so many things in life, it’s a lot more complicated than that. My husband happens to really love me, and he truly wants to see me happy. He hates seeing me hurt and frustrated, and he’d rather I have my needs met by someone else, than to see me frustrated. He made it clear it wasn’t to save our marriage, and that it will never be a romantic thing. I get to play this thing outside, so I can be happy in our relationship. He might want to join in some time, and I hope that can happen too. After we had talked it over for about three hours, I actually felt a lot like he’d just let me into the candy store. Yes, I’m a horrible slut, but just the thought of the potential in being given this much freedom, it’s awesome! For both our sakes, I want him to have as much say and especially insight in what goes on. It’s not about me getting a carte blanc to have affairs, it’s bdsm. It’s different.

He also said, that he did miss controlling me more on a daily basis, and he’s thinking about if he might want to punish me for the things that really tick him off. I truly hope this is a good step for us, and not a mistake. The sex and bdsm we had with people in the “society” in Denmark are experiences I will always cherish. None of them have been bad, they have only added to our relationship..

I spend the night thinking and overthinking, and thinking some more, like some stupid cliché of a woman, while my darling husband snored away without a care in the world. I left the bed when our son decided he wanted to come in and practically sleep on top of me, and then I changed my Fetlife profile. I got three “replies” right of the bat, one from a Master who I’ve been chatting with for a while, but whom I thought had given up because of my endless rants. We e-mailed back and forth for a while, and he seems ideal, the kind of integrity and standards for behaviour we saw in Europe, but has been lacking in the US. Right now fetlife is down, but I am really revved up about the whole thing. Scared shitless, but excited.

I have a strange thing about people who place naked shots of them selves on fet life. And it’s not because I don’t find naked men pretty, I do. There’s just something about a dick or even worse butt hole right in my face, that just..  Well, it seems like someone who would walk up to you and just ask you to get really hot at looking at their dick. That’s not how it works, at least not for me. I find it disturbing, and pretty hard to concentrate on normal conversation afterwards.  And not in a good way, in a “get lost pervert” kinda way. Considering how many people on fetlife who have penis pictures, it’s really hard to just go for the ones without. Maybe I’m just being a big prude anyway, and slutty slaves are not allowed to do that

 

anyhoo, and almost as an afterthought, I’m still going ahead with my crazy attempt at finding my inner domme. We’ll see tonight how that plays out, and if I’ll even be able to stay awake for it

 




Suburban BDSM

sweaty and kinky in the burbs

Univers of Master Boas

Dominant Herres tanker om stort og småt.

Fannie's Weblog

slavinde skriblerier, underkastelse, ydmyghed, porno, sex, kærlighed