Suburban BDSM

The baby girl inside
July 16, 2014, 5:29 pm
Filed under: submission romantic ramblings

My Master finally send me the long awaited story he has been writing on for such a long time. And it freaked me out! It turned me on too, but I felt disturbed by it as well. Profoundly.
It was full of abuse and degradation. But it wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that neither person felt anything but hatred and disgust on one side, and lust and sadism on the other.
I’ve meditated on why it should disturb me. Besides from punching and drawing blood, the story really didn’t contain anything I don’t find arousing.

I guess there is a baby girl in me somewhere. Who crave the stern, unyielding care of a more father symbolic Master. Someone who’d take care of me, even as he used me. Who’d care what I feel like, even as he insists on me being what he choses, and as he controls me and hurts me.
So I guess I do get the desire of wanting to snuggle up in the infinitely strong arm of a man who can, and will hurt me if he wants too, or if he feels I need it.

The name daddy may still make my stomach turn, but I do kinda get it.
My heart cries Master, not daddy. But it is intensely emotional, and .. Dependent. A bit like the relationship of a child and a caregiver, I guess.
A very little bit, hopefully. But still a lot more than nothing.
Read a pretty crappy bdsm novel recently. It’s an abduction story. The heroin wakes up and inquires who is in the room with her, and her Master tells him it’s her Master. She asks where she is, and he shushes her, tells her everything is ok, because she’s exactly where he wants her to be. It’s all down hill from there, but i loved that bit. That’s the kinda calm I feel too (not that it worked on that girl), but giving up control and feeling safe just in knowing Master is in charge, and things will happen as he choses no matter what. Kinda childish, certainly.

“Abandon all hope, ye who enters here”

My well read Master quoted in the story. It made me think.. I think the beauty of surrender to a Master is that too. It’s not a bad thing to abandon hope in hell. That’s kinda the point. If the people in Dante’s inferno would only surrender completely, most of them would be free. With submission it’s a bit the same. Giving oneself over to Masters will without hoping or even thinking about anything but pleasing him is where the calmness and joy of it lies. The pain and the punishment also help focus that. When I begin thinking about what I want, what I think he should do, I ruin the joy of it, and the reason I really crave it.


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The force 2 (story)
August 12, 2012, 9:34 pm
Filed under: submission romantic ramblings | Tags: ,

The office seemed deadly still after the last sound of his footsteps had evaporated. She could hear her heart thudding, and her blood rushing through her body, unable to calm down.

Gulping down the lump in her throat, she picked up the phone, and dialed the number of her employer. Hell, she’d hated that job from the first day she sat foot in the place anyway. Working as a underpaid secretary for a bunch of self important dicks in cheap suits was not a dream job, but at least she had fended for herself, paid her own bills. She shuddered at the thought of what she was now.

As she finished the last call, a new thought came to her head. What if he just wanted to mess with her? Screw up her life? Feeling of angst and sadness swept over her like a cold breeze.
All in all, both her family and friends had seemed almost indifferent to her supposed plans. Not one of them had questioned it, and mostly they had seemed preoccupied with their own things.
Since she had met William, she had neglected the lot. She knew many of her friendships could barely be called that any more. Loneliness washed over her at the thought. She wondered of anyone would really miss her?
She had always had a strained relationship with her parents, and she wasn’t close to any of her brothers. Her friends had all but given her up as a lost cause. Then again, that was a pretty accurate description of her current state

The kneeling position was starting to get really unpleasant, and she shifted slightly. Her muscles where all strained, her body reflecting her sense of terror, fear and something else.
She looked around the room, and almost choked in shock, as she noticed a pair of polished black shoes and grey pants not three feet from her. Immediately she felt her pulse quicken, as renewed fear took over.
Tentatively, she looked up at William. He was studying her with what seemed like no emotions at all. Stern and unsmiling, he seemed to gaze right into her core.

“I’ve brought some papers for you to sign. I don’t want you to read them, or even skim them”

He tossed a big pile of papers in front of her, followed by a pen.
She looked at him desperately. Trying to find something in his expression, pity, understanding.. Love? But there was nothing but a cold hard stare.

She felt her eyes filling up with tears again, stinging from all the previous crying. She flipped through the pile, signing her name and the date on all the doted lines. She did not read it, nor did she really care what it was. All she felt was lonely and tired. She could not give him up, and that was the only truth that mattered right here. Like this, she might still feel his love, his approval. Even the coldness was better than being separated from him

Her emotions where irrational, even to her. He wasn’t what her friends would call a hunk, in fact he was pretty average. He wasn’t rich, powerful or famous even. From the moment she had first met his gaze, she had known he was special though. His self assurance, his calm determined manner, his sharp wit and deep sense of empathy had completely swept her off her feet. When she looked at him, she felt like she was finally being understood. That he could somehow see through all the nonsense, the façade, and look at her like she really was. She felt oddly recognised, like a veil of lonesomeness and artistry had been swept away. But now there was only coldness there, penetrating and hurting her. She wiped her tears away with her already soaked sleeve, and lay the pen down. She kept her eyes on the floor, simply waiting. She knew he was there watching her, she could feel his eyes on her.

He grabbed her arm, and pulled her up on shaking unsteady legs.
“Good girl” he whispered in her ear, as he lowered his head to reach her. His hand brushed her hair, gently, petting her softly. She was completely surprised at the rush of joy she felt at his approval, her whole body aching with pleasure at having pleased him. She closed her eyes tight. What was wrong with her?

He looked down at the shaky mess his girlfriend had become. From her messy hair, tear stained face, and crumbled clothes. He felt her body jerk at his words, saw the tiny smile flash over her face. A smile of quiet joy, something deep and personal, not the fake kind she so often plastered on her face, when she thought she had to be something she wasn’t. He felt a rush of power go through him. He owned her now, she was totally dependent on him, emotionally and on just about every other level. He knew that he had made himself vulnerable too. Should she ever escape, he would be in major trouble. Still he couldn’t help to indulge in the euphoric feeling of complete control. He would never let her lie to him again, not even with the smallest gesture, nor would he let her escape from what he knew she was or could be.
He wanted to hug her, kiss her, make love to her. Let her feel his warmth towards her. Let her know he would not let her be harmed, not even by herself. But he sensed it was too early. Other harsher lessons had to be learned first.

He picked up the pile of papers from the floor, and threw them on the desk, moving away from her as he did. He could feel her quiet sigh, as he left her.

He looked at her for a little, giving her time to feel uneasy. Her eyes had unclenched, and she looked at him with a blue, worried stare. Like a little puppy, begging to be loved. He thought of her constant nagging complaints of only a few hours ago, and his resolve hardened.

“Strip” he said sternly, ice in his voice and his face.
Gulping down, she started to unbutton her blouse with shaking hands.

Her hands fumbled at every button, zipper and clasp, but eventually she managed to strip of every item of clothing. She reddened under his stare. Never had she felt this naked and exposed, even if the rational part of her knew he had seen her many times like this.

“your hair buckle, jewellery and watch too”
She fumbled to comply, and he held out his hand for her to put everything in.

When she’d finished, he had plunked everything into a plastic jar, and sealed it.
It was odd not wearing even her rings and earrings, somehow even more naked. She wondered if he would ever give it back to her, but found that she didn’t much care at the moment.

He picked up her phone from the desk, and while looking her straight in the eyes, he dropped it to the floor, and smashed it with his shoe. The violence of it sent a shock through her, but she did not say a word. Then he emptied out her purse.  Keys, cosmetics and nicknacks crashed to the floor. He picked up her wallet, opened it, pocketed a few cards and her cash, and threw the rest in the trash can.

She could feel her mouth growing even drier, but something deep inside her stirred, contrary to her instincts. Desire? It was so absurd, she could hardly understand it herself. Her life was being permanently screwed with.. And that was her reaction? She brushed it aside, and waited, not taking her eyes from him.

He picked up her purse, and threw it into the garbage can as well, then he kicked it out in front of the desk, next to her scattered stuff.

“kneel. Put the make up and the keys on the table, throw the rest out”

She knelt, and started to sort through her treasures, throwing out all the little things she had gathered over the years, along with the paper towels, wet wipes and other junk. He had seated himself behind his desk, apparently immersed in the papers she had signed.

Just as she had picked up the last lip gloss, she heard a firm knock on the door. Panic set in, as she looked around the room for a place to hide.
William looked firmly at her.
“come in” he replied
She starred at him in wide eyed horror, and tried to cover herself the best she may, as she heard foot steps behind her.

Before she knew it, William was pulling her to her feet, and slamming her belly down across the desk. Hard slaps rained down on her exposed bottom, making her yelp and cry out in pain

“you will NEVER cover yourself from me. Do you understand” he barked, marking each word with a harsh slap

“please, Will.. Master, not that” she sobbed through the pain, another level of panic sweeping over her.

He paused, and she heard his clothes rattle

“I warned you not to speak! You are mine now. Completely. I will do WHATEVER i want to do with you”
His voice was deceptively smooth, and the second it stopped, she heard the swoop of his belt through the air. From the deafening smack, until the pain registered felt like an eternity, after that it was just unbearable pain, sharp and raw. He quickly secured her body and arms with one strong hand, and brought down the belt again and again until she lost all sense of time and space.
The only thing that excited was him, the belt, the pain. Even through the pain and the humiliation, she felt his presence like an overwhelming shadow, filling her completely, taking her over. It was both terrifying and oddly reassuring.

When the blows finally stopped, she was sobbing miserably on the desk. She wanted to rub her butt, to get the sting out, but his hand was still holding her.

“when will you speak?” he demanded
“when spoken too, Master” she managed to croak through sobs

She felt his hand brush gently over her battered skin. An instant flicker of desire shot through her, and she couldn’t keep a moan from escaping her lips

She heard a deep chuckle from behind her, and she stiffened. The visitor.

“Stay down” William ordered, and he left her.
She felt her body stiffen again, and she twisted her head to see behind her.
It was a man in his early forties, well dressed and groomed. He looked like he took good care of himself, but what made her heart stop was the look on his face. He looked like a hungry wolf. Enjoying her helpless body with his eyes, unapologetically. She saw him coming closer, now only his pants and shirt was visible from her awkward angle. She could see his cock strain against the fabric of his pants

the force (story)
August 2, 2012, 3:30 pm
Filed under: submission romantic ramblings

“That’s it”, he exclaimed, and ran his hand through his dark blond hair. He looked down at the feisty woman who had turned his live upside down the last couple of week with exasperation. He had reached his breaking point, what ever she wanted, he knew he could not give it to her. He was thoroughly fed up with compromising, and constantly listening to her reasonable, but unwanted demands for equality and her unreasonable demands for him to change.  He knew he could not change, and deep down, he also know that he did not want to. Something hardened inside him, as he reached a decision.
“You are now faced with two possibilities. Either this is over, and you will not see me again. Or I take you away, and you will be mine completely. No contract, no safeword, no limits no discussion. You will not be allowed to do anything that I have not allowed you. You will in all effect be my slave, and there’s no going back unless I allow it.. And I’m not likely to do that”

Her face had changed from vexed to downright angry, but now she was starring at him with fear clearly showing in her wide eyes and pale face. She was about 2 inches shorter than he, but right now she was feeling more like it was 10 feet. She felt like the rug had just been pulled from underneath her. An abyss was forming in front of her, panic started to set in.

“NO!” she exclaimed, in protest. Crossing her arms defensively

He looked at her, his anger dissipating, replaced with regret and resignation.
“Yes” he said simply, and turned around and started towards the door

“Wait! please!” she exclaimed in surprise and chock.

he turned to look at her, and the blankness of his expression, his resigned sadness made her stomach clench into an even tighter knot.
“But I’m not even sure I want any of all that stuff at all” she exclaimed meekly

He turned again, shaking his head

“What about my job?” she asked, horrifying  herself for even having thought this far

“No. It’s unlikely I will ever let you work for anyone other than me” he said, his face softening as he spoke to her. Something like compassion crossed his mind, but it was a detached emotion. He had made his decision, and he knew it would be final
“My family? my friends?” she said, still to stunned to feel much of anything except the chock. She could feel tears starting to press insistingly somewhere behind her eyes.

“I’ll let you see your family eventually, but you will always be controlled. No friends, no” Something like hope started to form inside him, as he looked at her coolly. Pictures of her kneeling, weeping body surrendered completely to him flew through his consciousness briefly.

“And cinema, tv, books, picnics.. camping?” she asked horrified, the reality of the situation starting to dawn on her

“Nothing will be as it is now. I might let you read what ever I choose, or take you out, if you deserve it. But your life will be about pleasing me, not you”

She felt dizzy, nauseated. Somehow it felt not quite real. She had a strange urge to laugh at the absurdity of the situation

“But you’ve had subs before me.. I don’t understand, they where not like that” It was just so unfair, she had tried to live up to his demands, she just needed to .. keep her self respect and .. she wasn’t sure, her head seemed so full of conflicting emotions she didn’t even know what she felt

His expression didn’t change, he only lifted his eyebrow

She bowed her head in humiliation. She knew she had been a demanding girlfriend, that she had asked him to compromise things he had never compromised before. She had questioned everything he wanted and had openly asked of her, and she had agreed to very little, fighting him, and hoping he might change to accommodate her needs.

“Children” she asked, her voice breaking as she said the word

He paused and thought about it. Cocking his head, he answered her softly

“yes, eventually. But not for many years. You’d be so used to obedience at that point, it would be second nature. We will never have an equal relationship, even if I’ll keep it less marked around kids. ”

She sat down on the floor, her hands covering her face. Everything was spinning inside her head, and her legs simply didn’t seem stable enough.

“When do I need to decide” she asked, not even recognising her own voice

He looked at her expectantly, than answered completely coolly

“I’ll give you five minutes”

It felt more like he had punched her in the stomach. She hugged herself, as she sobbed on the floor. All her friends, her family. Her job, her life. She worried about the pain, the humiliation and degradation. Would she even be the same person any more, if  she was his what? Slave? Would she give up her freedom, even herself for what?  Just to be his sex slave, an object he could do with and form as he pleased. That did not sound very much like the romantic notion she had had about her dream man when growing up. The thought of agreeing to this was disgusting to her, it nauseated her to her very core. But above it all, she felt her need for this man. His blue eyes even as they where now, stern and cool. Just his presence in her life, was like a light had turned on in her life, . The thought of not seeing him again felt like a death sentence.  Since she had known him, she had felt a passion and purpose she had never experienced before. Their relationship had been bumpy at best, but it had meant everything to her. Everything else felt dull grey and boring compared to being with him. Regardless of his feelings towards her, she knew she loved him passionately, almost obsessionally. Could she really turn of the light that had been turned on when she met him?

“Times up” he declared. He was standing directly above her, looking down on the shivering sobbing mess he had reduced her to. Looking at her, he did feel guilty, but he knew with a confidence he hadn’t felt in a long time, that this was the options that still remained open to him. He didn’t know whether he should hope for her submission, or not. He would miss her, he knew that on a gut level. The relationship  they where having now was hurting  both of them, and he was tired of feeling guilty, of hurting her. The few times he had taken her roughly, spanked her mildly, she had responded, and he knew she was submissive, even if she didn’t know herself.  There was also the fact that he longed to force her to submit. To punish and control her, to feel her yield and bent to his will.

“okay” she answered meekly, not lifting her eyes from her hands, that she held clutched in her lap. She was kneeling back on her feet, she felt a strange sense of relief to know it was not longer in her hands. The decision was made, and she knew in her gut that it was the only one she could have made.

He felt a sense of chock at her word, and to see her kneeling resigned on the floor in front of him. He realised that he had not expected her to submit to this. She had fought him on everything from mild spanking to holding her arms when he fucked her. Now she was agreeing to being his slave for ever. He felt a wave of affection wash over him. He knew what this would mean to her, and that she would not have done it if her feelings for him had not been strong indeed. He also felt something shift inside him. She was his now, and he could feel the sense of power and control filling him.

“Okay what?”
His voice was suddenly louder, more demanding

“I will be .. what ever you want from me. I’ll do all the things you want.. Sir” she swallowed hard. Then she looked up at him. It was like a jolt went through her, his eyes where dark and demanding. Dangerous even, she felt scared, but for a few moments she felt something else. As if something tied them, something that left her, and was filled by his consciousness. It was there, then it was gone.

“could you maybe not..” She started

“NO!” he barked sternly, interrupting her.
“Get up” he snapped, and she hastily scampered to her feet. She longed to be in his arms, to feel him close to her in any way.

He grabbed her arm, and roughly showed her around and bent her over his desk, so her arms where resting on the wooden surface, and her ass was exposed and sticking up. He lifted up her skirt, and gruffly tore down her panties. It didn’t exactly hurt, but she still felt humiliated that he didn’t seem to care whether it did or not.

“I am you master now, and you will address me as such. You are not to speak unless spoken to, and I want to hear nothing from you mouth but moans and cries otherwise. Is that understood?”

She heard him rattling his clothes, and she tensed in anticipation.

“Yes, Master” she mumbled, blushing as she said the words.

A sharp wooosh, than a thunderously loud SMACK! filled the air, and it took her a second to realise that he had slapped her butt. The pain was excruciating, overwhelming. She howled out in response.  Then she remembered, and she tried to calm herself, so she wouldn’t get up and slap him. The pain subsided into a dull throb. Tears filled her eyes again.

“Do NOT mumble at me. Again”

“Yes Master” she said breathlessly, but clearly.

The humiliation washed over her, but in that second she felt his cock on her pussy. He showed it into her with no preliminaries, brutally fast and he immediately started to bang into her again and again. Showing her into the desk.

To her utter consternation, she had never experienced anything as pleasurable. He seemed to be filling her all out, not just her pussy. She saw stars, as he moved inside her, and she knew she craved nothing than to feel him like this forever. She could not help the moans that escaped her throat, or her involuntary helpless efforts to assist him.

He relished the feeling of her soaking wet pussy around him, as he slammed into her. He had never felt her this wet, and never heard such sounds come from her mouth. The feeling of power and control, and the knowledge that, in spite of herself she wanted this felt like a rush to his head. He grabbed her hips, and pushed her against him with every push in. He knew he could not last much longer, so he made the last seconds count as he smashed into her.

The sounds coming from her throat didn’t even seem human, not even to her. She was to consumed to care. As he came in her, it was even more intense, and she felt like she was drifting away on a cloud of euphoria, at the same time it felt so real and carnal. He moaned out as he came, then he pulled out leaving her panting on the table.

“Kneel on the floor” he ordered, and she scrambled to comply. Being his slave had unfortunately not made her any more graceful. He dropped her cell phone in her hands

“Call your family and your friends. Explain that you will be travelling for several months, and you’ll contact your family when you get back.   Then quit your job. You can come and clean out the office tomorrow. You have an hour”

her mouth was open, and it took her a few seconds to answer “Yes Master”, but he simply turned and left the room.

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